Monday, March 19, 2007

Inventory Check!

Things I Have Done my Entire Life and am Decent at

talking bullshit.

this is my forte.

skipping grades.

i skipped the first grade because my dad decided i didn't need to do it. i was thrilled because i was excited about the amount of money it would save my parents on lunch money. i honestly thought this, which shows you just how dorky i am.

playing the piano.

i have been doing this for 20 years. that is, like, forever.

dancing to classical music (ballet).

again with the 20 years. our ballet studio was funny - we never stressed about being skinny. we would go to rehearsals all day and then drive straight to applebee's afterwards. applebee's was high class dining where i'm from.

dancing to hip hop (video ho-like)

a few years ago, i learned that the only thing you need in order to dance to hip hop is shake your ass. i'm serious. all those instructions in those songs are spot on.

reading the newspaper

i subscribe and read all the good parts about vital things such as what type of hair products bald men are using these days. seriously. that was in the thursday styles two weeks ago.

drinking alcohol

i'm relatively small but once drank 12 shots of vodka in college. this is a stupid talent to have. it's expensive and makes me bloated.

Things I used to do Really Poorly and am Now Better at


president's day weekend this year, i decided that i was tired of sucking at snowboarding (have been probably 6 days in my life and was terrible every time) and that i was going to get good. so i did. sucking at things is my biggest pet peeve ever. i HATE sucking.

managing time

an example of when i did not manage my time well is when i was unemployed after college and woke up at noon every day, sent out 15 resumes, and got sleepy so took a nap at 4pm. this has greatly improved as the amount of crap i have to do in life has exponentially increased. more crap = better efficiency, so i have time at the end of my day to do things like sit on my futon and think about sweeping, but instead decide to indulge in my narcissism and write about myself on the interwebs.

Things I Have Always Done Really Poorly and Have Few Hopes of Improving

ability to see well without glasses or contacts

i got gigantic pink glasses when i was in kindergarten. ha! you say it's adorable now. but back then, they salted my game hardcore.

organizing my apartment

up until a week ago, my apartment was a complete clusterfuck. my closets were a horrendous mess, and my kitchen was so poorly organized that i wouldn't have been surprised if i had found my ex-boyfriend in the bottom leftmost cabinet next to the nesquick. my sister came to visit last week and organized my entire apartment in two and a half hours. it was like magic.

memorizing facts

a persistent problem in school. this made me really bad at any sort of history or date-learning class. and botany. and archeological anthropology. and remembering friends' birthdays. unfortunately, the ability to remember things affects a surprisingly large number of life activities.

Things I Would Like to Learn How to do

produce a hip hop beat

lately, i've been daydreaming about becoming a hip hop producer. how. dope. would. that. be. you'd turn on mtv and see this black and white video with a bunch of huge guys dressed in jerseys and iced out and shit. and then there would be me!! i would be wear short shorts and oil up my legs and wear huge rhinestone-studded gold hoops.

just kidding. i would probably be super awkward because i'm shy in front of cameras, and probably also because i'd probably be caught eating a bag of potato chips or something. mortifying.


Anonymous l.d. said...

ballet, piano, skipping grades, AND running? totally type A.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

12 shots of vodka? you could maybe use one of those inner bartenders that cuts you off at a certain point.

3:22 AM  

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