Sunday, October 29, 2006

Industrialize Your Life

i have recently discovered a wonderful and phonetically straightforward catalog called U-Line, and through our short acquaintance over the past few weeks, i've realized that U-Line is the industrialized solution to many life problems, which very few publications can boast, aside from Reader's Digest.


I know too many people, and I can't keep them all straight! I want a quick and easy way to remember each of my past experiences with each person. U-Line, can you help me?


Why yes, yes I can. I recommend these plentiful and color inventory labels.

Ahem. You may be more interested in these specific labels.

Actually, you'll probably be most interested in this one.


The bathroom of your home looks too personal, comfortable, and well-decorated. What to do?


That should help.


You have invited 40 people to your birthday brunch, when you know fucking well that your studio apartment only comfortably holds 5.


Have each person take a number upon entry, and invite your favorite numbers in first. Organize your party in half hour shifts of numbers 1-5, then 6-10, then 11-15, etc.


You're dying to play Win Lose or Draw, but you only have half-used legal pads laying around the apartment, and it's just not the same.


Look! If you buy 4 or more, they're $52 instead of $55 each.


You love learning new words but have run out of words, after having learned the dictionary already.


Seriously. What are these.

In sum, U-Line offers many viable and affordable solutions to a wide variety of general life problems, especially if you buy like a fucking billion of them all at once.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

uline is the new costco.

2:50 AM  
Blogger Annie said...

forget that. uline is the new jcrew!

3:57 PM  

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