hoo haw

what is all of this sudden hoo haw about celebrities all about? lindsey lohan this, eva longoria that, hair, tits, new nose, clothing line, triple threat, blah blah. complete bullshit.

in an mostly silent and completely ignored personal act of defiance, i've decided to create my very own hoo haw about flossing.

sort of a disgusting ritual, if you think about it. remember that pot roast you ate earlier today? i'll bet you one of my oxen and a pound of sugar that 4% of that roast is stuck in between about 16 teeth. remember: the purpose of your teeth is to tear apart large pieces of dead animal into smaller bits so they can journey to your stomach with ease and joy. unfortunately, the very, very small bits get stuck.

please: take this piece of string. wrestle it in between the slots where two teeth are right close to each other. saw away at it, and you'll get that 4% out. you may also experience some discomfort in the gums. in turn, you get (allegedly) no cavities, and (definitely) a less-humiliating experience at the dentist should you have sinfully chosen to drink yourself into oblivion instead of floss like an upright citizen.

the act of flossing reminds me of how gross my teeth are, which isn't something that i really want relive each night before i go to bed.

ow
ow
ow
ow
oh there's the cavity that got filled my senior year
ow
ooh!
eesh
uck
ah. there's the one that they scraped away at for 45 minutes, declared that it was a near- root canal miss, and shook their heads disapprovingly at as if i had just been caught stealing lunch money
oof
ouch
eek
fuck. this is the tooth that starts bleeding if you blink at it.

flossing is, in general, not fun.

hoo haw: do it anyway.