Make it Last Forever, said Keith Sweat. Really? Sweat? That's your last name? gross.

when i start to really like something, i have this bad habit of hanging out with it so much that i get sick of it. this happens to me with food, music, and sometimes people. however, there always remains this very special subset of items that i have always loved, and that i will forever love.

what makes these particular things special? is it the very perfect combination of traits they possess? or is it because these loves are simply expiring at slower rates? today we will examine one category. food. my favorite!

Exhibit A: Oreos

Mug Shot:



















oreos are great! they involve cookies (2!) and sweet, lard-laden frosting. you can pull them apart, or not. you can dip them in milk, or not. the milk can be hot, or cold, or room temperature. you can have them in ice cream. you can have them with coffee. they are delicious! i loved oreos.

when i was in college, these students started this little business where they took costco orders from hapless freshmen without cars, and delivered them to our dorm rooms.

costco is good for things like families with many people and ogres who enjoy discounts. from experience, i would say costco is not optimal for girls in college who just want some cookies to make studying less painful, and also want an appropriately-sized container of body wash for the 99-00 year.

i ordered oreos and they came in a box with 8 rolls. one roll contains 15 oreos. i ate 120 oreos in a week and a half. when i see oreos nowadays, that warm feeling doesn't spread over my heart anymore. i don't have any sort of bad reactions or feelings of revulsion; i'm just not interested. i think they're kind of boring. kind of like the same reaction i have when i see babies.

Exhibit B: Tuna Salad

Mug Shot:



















i had to do it sort of rebus style because all of the photos i found for tuna salad looked like i had eaten it and then thrown it back up and put some chopped cilantro on it.

in any case, tuna salad is stupendous. tuna salad is delicious with an entire suite of garnishes:

• mayonnaise
• pickles (salty dill only, please)
  
• red onions
• celery
• um
• err
• shit. can't think of anything else.
  

look at all of those ingredients! tuna salad is so versatile.

i could eat tuna every day. it takes about 2 seconds to make, it's filling, and it has protein. i think all of these reports of dangerous levels of mercury are preposterous. besides, mercury makes you strong like bull.

So here we have our two examples. what have we learned? what are the key differences between oreos and tuna salad?

the answer to these questions is: i have no idea. they're totally different, and there's no way you can compare them. this exercise is stupid. let's chalk it up to my fickle nature.

i'm bored. next!