I Like to Make a Lot of Fuss About Things that are not that important in the Grand Scheme of the Universe

i tend to overthink very particular things that are stupid. for example, i'll often furrow my brow, make long pro/con lists, and consult multiple people before i make a retail purchase. however, i chose my college by receiving an acceptance letter, guessing that there was a very high chance that it would be better than the place where i was originally planning on going, and shrugging my shoulders. i hadn't seen the campus at all until i showed up to move in.

yes. yes, it's true. i'm a moron.

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i like blazers. i bought one two years ago that i love. it's black. it's comfy. i like it.

i've wanted a black velvet blazer forever. not sure why. maybe because it's warmer, it looks cozy, it's a little bit shiny.

i've also always really liked theory. it drew me in with its tailored everything and it's simple design, but i fainted at its three-digits prices.

this past weekend, i saw a theory black velvet blazer almost half off. i hesitated, and here were my two best arguments against buying it:

1. Annie! what if you happen to walk through a very violent pillow fight?? what would happen to you then! you would look ridiculous!

2. Annie. what if you were wearing your blazer, and, and..and, you walked through this coop with all of these recently shaven chickens? you would positively be the village fool!

I hereby declare this Exhibit 1.

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i drink a lot of water, and a lot of coffee, so i spend a respectable amount of time walking to and from the restroom, especially at work.

>as a quick note, i work at a really nice place. our place is so nice that we have these really fancy toilets that are actually heated, so they're nice and warm when you sit down on them. rest assured, i do fully appreciate these toilets.

one tiny feature of these toilets that i've found to be a little less spectacular than the company may have imagined is its incredible water pressure. the water pressure is so spectacular that i realized the other day that whenever the toilet starts automatically flushing (which is around the time that i'm pulling up my pants), i reflexively jump back from the toilet and press myself up against the stall door.

i do this because i am afraid of Toilet Water maliciously leaping out to grab me, inspiring all sorts of J&J commercial-like germ nigthmares in my head, in which tiny germies with angry eyebrows throw racous parties all over my new jeans. this will not be tolerated.

Exhibit 2!

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i was visiting my friendly local overpriced organic supermarket the other day when i remembered that my Safeway Select brand jar of capers was almost gone. i meandered over to the capers nonchalantly and learned that a very small container (3oz) of capers costs SIX DOLLARS.

this is bullshit! i said to myself.

i finally found a large jar (10oz) of capers that had a nice looking label that was selling for almost seven dollars.

ok, i thought. this is much less bullshit than the 3oz jar. so i bought it and trekked home, through the vast wilderness of sweet victorian houses and nice people who live in my neighborhood.

when i got home i ate one. it was like a salt bomb. BOMB. ridiculous. and i LOVE salt. LOVE.

i was actually visibly angry about it. here i was, innocent consumer, looking for a jar of reasonably priced jar of capers, and now i'm sitting here in my kitchen with my nice fork staring at a glass cylinder full of little blood pressure pellets.

i've diluted them 4 times and they're still too salty. i sometimes think about it while i'm at work. or on the bus. or while i'm going to sleep. this, when there are people whose lives are rising out of poverty through socially-conscious businesses and microcredit loans. when others are devoting all waking hours to studying pancreatic cancer.

capers!

Exhibit 3.