Monday, December 10, 2007

sparkling conversation

the international terminal of the dubai airport has lots of nice shit in it. a full chanel makeup counter, lacoste shirts in every single color in the wasp rainbow (read: pink. pale pink. carnation pink. coral pink.), and really large, tacky gucci handbags, a la


even with all my experience with luxury shopping and all my experience with airport food, i was still stunned by the disparity between the grade of the available retail goods and the grade of my dinner salad. so much so that, after several minutes of eating and waiting for satisfaction, i actually looked down at the food impaled on my fork and said to it, out loud, 'wow. you are so tasteless.'

then, it occurred to me that this isn't a rare interaction. that is: the interaction between me and an object that has no hope of ever being able to respond coherently.

while being driven around dubai today by an acquaintance in a creamy white 2008 lexus sc luxury coupe, i had a fleeting moment of feeling completely and utterly poor. i stopped listening to my driver talk and said to dubai, 'esh. you are so expensive.'

now, this isn't something that i by any means premeditate. as in, 'hmm. i think i'll stop right here and make a generic comment.' it just happens, and it's over before i know it. i don't waltz around cosmopolitan cities pretending like i'm in my own privately narrated, publicly irritating version of sex in the city.

other fascinating comments along these same lines include

  • 'i hate you so hard' to a train that was 5 hours late last week. 5. hours. so! mad!
  • 'i don't understand you; you are talking nonsense' to a physical chemistry textbook in college
  • 'i love you. you are the best thing that ever happened to me' to beer
i think the reason i do this so much is because it enables me to tell something what i really think of it, which is a luxury i don't have with actual living people. i guess the filter between my brain and mouth likes to have a nice break every once in a while, and it's wise to take it while i'm expressing my opinion on things that can't be shocked and offended.

ah well. better the salad than the dweeb in front of me in line at security.


Blogger erinelan said...

i think you do talk to people like that. very straightforward and all. and when it isn't you, it's your little g-chat guy holding up the appropriate sign. so, either way, humans know that you hate them.

11:43 AM  

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