personal diplomat

i spend a lot of my day chatting online, typing into these tiny little boxes on the computer, and receiving messages back. it's stupid, but i seem to spend a lot of time doing it, so i guess i like it ok.

i have a little picture that shows up next to every message i type. it looks like this








i have a friend who i often talk incessant nonsense with, including excessive drinking, annoying people, and other things that make us vomit. he also has a picture that appears next to all of his messages. it looks like this









sometimes when we're chatting, i imagine that these two things are actually sitting at a bar drinking beer and having the conversation we're having. the penguin gestures emphatically and the pink thing nods enthusiastically. then they have some more beer. they chat a bit longer, say goodbye at the door, and walk home. i, of course, only follow the penguin home. he picks up his mail at the front gate, walks upstairs, and walks into his studio. the studio looks like this














it looks suspiciously like my own. at this point, while i would go into the kitchen and read gossip blogs on the counter while boiling water for pasta, little penguin probably does much more interestesting things. I would imagine that his evening would include

• padding around the studio looking for something fun to do
• eating some salty snacks
• being grumpy
• trying to resolve spiky hair issues with new overpriced hair product from pure beauty
• being dichromatic

hmm. in retrospect, me and penguin are not so different.

regardless, i'm sure penguin would be a lot better with people than i am. he may be just as grumpy, but he's probably a lot more diplomatic about his approach. let's compare:

me: that is the most ridiculous answer i have ever heard. your stupidity makes me wants to stab myself in the eye.
penguin: [holds up 'wrong' sign]

me: you have been talking about yourself for three hours, and you only have content to fill two minutes. i would rather set myself on fire than continue listening to you speak.
penguin: [holds up 'silencio' sign]

me: you seem to think that you're rather funny because you appear to be laughing at the sentence you just said. oh. i'm sorry. what? that was a joke? you've got to be kidding. your lack of joketitude is appalling.
penguin: [holds up 'zzzz' sign]

see? penguin would probably be a much better representative of me than i am. quiet, concise, yet firm. as such, i think i may have him stand for me not only in chat conversations, but in all scenarios. i will direct him to my meetings, send him to my piano lessons, and make him stand in line at the dmv for me.

awesome.